You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

I cannot recall how old I was but I’m guessing somewhere between the fourth and sixth grade. I was invited to stay at my friend Keith’s home. I’d been there before and enjoyed the shooting gallery he had in his basement. He had a BB rifle of some sort and he would shoot at targets in the basement into a box of some type. I would love to say it was a Red Ryder but I don’t recall. My memory is a little hazy but I’m certain Keith will read this and fill in the details.

My folks gave me permission for the overnight but asked me what I was going to do over there. Like an idiot I told my mother the truth. “We’re going to shoot a BB gun in the basement.” Then she told me in no uncertain terms, “You will not shoot guns in his basement. You’ll shoot your eye out.”

Yes. You heard right. Years before A Christmas Story was ever released, my mother uttered those infamous words, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” I promised her I would not and went to Keith’s. It wasn’t long before we were in the basement shooting BB guns. Keith was a much better shot than I. On my first try, I overshot the box, the BB ricocheted off the cement wall and found the middle of my eye and broke every blood vessel. Everything looked pink.

So kids, if you get a Red Ryder BB Gun this Christmas, wear eye protection. And don’t lie to your mother. She knows Santa’s phone number and she’s not afraid to use it. To this day, when the 24 hour Christmas Story marathon is on and I hear those words, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” I remember my friend Keith so many years ago. But, we both turned out O.K.