Straight from the Heart, Part II

After I left the ER, the doctor said to make an appointment with my regular physician within the week to get a referral to a cardiologist. So I make an appointment and show up at my assigned time on Tuesday. But Now I’ve turned into an old guy because my appointment wasn’t actually for another week. Back to work I go.

So I called again and got an appointment on Wednesday with a nurse practitioner. I show up, give her my history and she says a referral is in order. So she looks on her computer and says, “Wow. They have an opening in a half hour. Would you like to wait?”

So instead of hanging out in a waiting room and exposing myself to all kinds of illnesses, I went to my car. I made a couple phone calls, listened to a CD, and fooled lots of people into thinking I was leaving, thus vacating a hard to find parking space. Tee hee.

I waited in a very long line of very old people to check in. It was the heart department. So now I guess I’m old. I gave the receptionist my club card then went to sit down. Just as my cheeks hit the seat they called my name. In I went. For the fourth time in a day I explained why I was here to the nurse. Then she weighed me (for the second time in a day). Amazingly, I had dropped 6 lbs in a half hour. It must have been from the exercise I had rolling up and down the window in the car.

In a couple of minutes the cardiologist appeared. He was a jovial man, perhaps from saving people from heart attacks all day. That must be a nice job. I again went over my heart history and he listened intently. He paid attention to me much more than my daughters or my wife. I wasn’t used to that.

He then said with great concern how he was going to send me ASAP to a Kaiser specialty hospital in Santa Clara about 3 hours away. He said I needed an aAtrial Fibrillation Radiofrequency Ablation. I would rather have Key Lime pie from Outback. What they do is stick a couple of wires up the femoral artery until they reach the heart. Then one of the wires shocks my heart into running fast again. They monitor what’s wrong and figure out how to fix it. Then they shock it into slowing down. Once that’s done they use the tip of one of the wires to make little burns on some of the nerves running my heart. That blocks the nerves from sending signals. Cured.

So now I’m researching everything I can on Atrial Fibrillation Radiofrequency Ablation, Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia, and Key Lime pie. But the more I research, the less I am excited about what I know. So, I’m done with the research. I will blindly place my trust in my insurance company and the people they’ve hired to stick a wire up my leg and burn my heart. On the way home I shall dream of the Key Lime pie in the fridge waiting for me.

I don’t have an appointment yet. However, I know the day will be filled with interesting stories. Stay tuned as I’m certain it will be a memorable event.