Jaw Breakers in Church

Growing up in Buffalo Covenant Church in Minnesota was a riot. I’ll be sharing a lot of stories from my childhood as they come to mind. But this is one of my favorites. I was scared to death of a very tall usher named Chester. He was scary because he was old, tall, and had a cleft lip. I had many incidents with Chester throughout my childhood.

My first incident was when I was probably six or seven. My parents gave me a nickel to put in the offering plate. But my good friend, Dave Holmquist, convinced me to go to the nearby corner store with him to buy candy. I wasn’t supposed to do that but I went anyway. Once at the Purity Dairy Dave pulled out his offering money and started buying candy. Dave convinced me that no one would find out and that we could hide the candy in our pockets and eat it later. I bought a box of Jaw Breakers.

We ran back to church and I joined my grandparents in the balcony. I sat down on my wooden seat and dangled my feet over the old, sloping wood floor. Pastor Thomas began his sermon right about the time I started to get really bored. My grandparents were fully engaged in the sermon so I reached into my pockets and started to pull out my Jaw Breakers. My grandmother thought nothing of it since she used to give me Mixed Fruit Certs.

Soon, my short little fingers could not reach the Jawbreakers in the box. Slowly and carefully I tugged the box out of my pocket. But since things never go the way I plan it to, the box got stuck. Not one to give up, I tugged it even harder. Suddenly, the box shot out of my pocket, sending little Jaw Breakers flying everywhere. Then the church was filled with the sound of every single Jaw Breaker rolling on the wood floor, then falling down to the next sloping level. This noise did not go unnoticed by anyone. I remember Pastor Thomas gazing up at me, somehow, I’m not sure how, he knew I had something to do with it. My grandparents were horrified. It was then that Chester, the cleft lip usher appeared. It seems that he was sent to find out exactly who the perpetrator was. That was the start of a long and frightening relationship.

It seemed like 10 minutes before every Jaw Breaker made its way to the bottom level. I never did hear the end of it because my grandmother marched me out of the balcony, down the stairs, and toward my parents who were teaching Sunday School. On the way my grandmother asked me where I got the Jawbreakers. I told her I got them at the Purity Dairy. Then I told her that I used my offering money to make the purchase. Then I told her that Dave Holmquist told me to do it. Then I told her that a lot of other kids did that too.

I am sure there was some kind of board meeting because someone was sent to the owner of Purity Dairy and told them not to sell any more candy to Covenant kids on Sunday morning. I should feel bad about that incident but I rest with a clear conscience knowing that some kids in China had extra food on their plates from then on because we could no longer spend our offering money at the Purity Dairy.